Monday, February 15, 2010


The dream has come true for many Louisianians…hell has frozen over, pigs have flown- the Saints have won the Superbowl. It only took 44 long years, but it has happened. I am proud to say that I was there. Not in Miami like most would think, but rather in the city of New Orleans.

One word to sum up not only the night, but the last 44 years- pandemonium. It was utter chaos- and not like a malicious chaos- but rather the friendly chaos similar to that of Mardi Gras. Ironically, this party New Orleans threw after the Superbowl made Fat Tuesday in the quarter look like a freakin tea party.

I have never seen anything like this in my entire life- the city went ape-shit. I was in the city for both LSU National Championships, and at the time, said that those were crazy nights. Nothing compared to this experience.

It would be equivalent of a 44-year-old virgin losing his virginity to a porn star on camera in front of an Amish community… It was crazy. Streets from the far side of the Warehouse district to the gay part of Bourbon Street were shut down- completely. Completely, as in, no one could drive anywhere because of all the people. Cops were blaring their sirens and running their lights in celebration, screaming people filled the streets, and people went nuts. As soon as the pick-6 at the end of the game, people funneled toward Bourbon like bats going into a cave at dusk.

People were high-fiving each other, dancing with strangers, yelling uncontrollably and many wept of what they had just encountered. I, of course used this experience as a platform to try and confuse people for my own enjoyment and entertainment. After my initial celebration, I decided to use this experience for my own sake. As we made our way around people laying in astonishment on Canal Street and the surrounding area, I would comfort passer-bys with “We’re Goin to the Superbowl!!!!!- Can you believe it?!!” Many gazed at me in amazement while thinking that I must have been super drunk high-fived me and yelled “Yeah”, but every now and again, id have some jackass stop me and try to correct me…. “No, dumbass we WON the superbowl.” Then look at his girlfriend and say, “what an idiot” - I know we just won the superbowl fag, just let me kid with people… crap. Why, during this time of enjoyment do you have to correct people- just let it be…

You know, weeks before the game- I knew the Saints had a shot. I knew that if they could just get to the game, the Saints would win. It was destiny. You cant f@#$ with destiny. It was more for the franchise than a game, it was a chance to make history….a chance to change for the better, to get rid of the plague the Black and Gold had held on to for so many years, a chance to further revitalize a city who had given so much after Katrina to come back bigger, faster, and stronger- and they reciprocated. They brought it back to New Orleans- they brought the championship back to the greatest fan base in any sport. Plus, do you really think God was gonna let a team named the Saints lose? Really? No way- it was destiny.

And to think...the saints beat 3 Hall of Fame quarterbacks on the way to victory...even the New Orleans boy himself, Mr. Manning couldnt let the Saints lose this game. Thanks for the interception Peyton, they needed it much worst than you did.

It certainly was quite the way to end Mardi Gras season… kind of. The Endymion Extravaganza finished it up for me this past weekend. Quite the ball. If you’ve never had the chance to experience this- you need to make every effort to make it happen. Its about 10,000 drunk idiots packed in the superdome. Everyone is best friends, or at least that’s how they act…and they all find it necessary to share their liquor with anyone in a tux or long dress.

Lynard skynard, I was told…played this year. Unfortunately I dont recall that… I don’t recall midnight- but I heard it was a hell of a time nonetheless. Not quite the time as my dearest Mr. Golladay…but excellent from what I can remember. The night ended on the floor of room 434 at the Sheraton in Metairie for me… not for Steve. Nope- he ended up at a stranger’s home off of Carrolton…and a few days later he would miss his flight back to Houston due to lack of an ID- that is a party my friends.

Welcome 2010... should be a heck of a year


Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Who Dat???

My apologies for taking so long to update, but I have been busy ringing in the new year, and more importantly the new decade. A new decade… new decade? What the hell happened to last decade? I vividly remember not only the year 2000 and all that Y2K crap, but how the world was about to shut down due to all of the calendars not rolling over. So much for that actually happening- they forgot to realize that computers are smart now. I watched a presentation the other day that was supposedly shown at the Sony Annual Shareholder’s Convention. This will blow your mind so check it out-

On that note- what happened to “the future”??? What happened to flying cars and robots to bring you breakfast in the morning? Where is that? What happened to computers that would be implanted in our hands by 2010?? In 1990- that was th eplan... to have all that by 2010- and all we have come up with is a freakin iphone.
Think about how far we have come in the last 25 years-it really does amaze me. It amazes me at the brains that some people have to have to use this stuff, let alone to invent it. It is both crazy and amazing. The things we have today; i can only imagine what our kids will really have in their lifetimes...and how smart they will seem to all of us.

I remember my old Nokia phone with a bright orange, interchangeable faceplate I had sophomore year of high school. That was the year 2000. I remember how amazed I was then with having a game on my cell phone. A phone that I could carry everywhere, with or without service- I could always play “Snake”- anywhere, 265. Ewing was the best I ever saw and we will never forget that ride to the OG vs. Sterlington playoff game where he not only beat the highest score, he demolished a record that has surely stood the test of time and will forever go down as my hero…at least at that game.

A new decade has lead to what has been a year of substantial changes for Louisianans across the board of sports thus far. Not only did the New Orleans Saints come into the new decade as the single best team in the NFC, the Dunkin’ Dawgs from LA Tech are 17-2 and undefeated in the WAC (First time since Malone Era), while LSU is completely defeated in the SEC, standing at o’fer with zero wins. The LA Tech athletics liberator who has led the Dawgs into a new age of significant wins, but more importantly a HOPE that Tech fans have probably never experienced in history (at least of this magnitude) has “left the proverbial building for not only greener pastures, but greener pocketbooks. He didn’t take a step up- he leapt to Knoxville, TN like a fat kid on the Thanksgiving dessert table. He hit the jackpot… from the WAC to the most competitive conference in the NCAA. All being done after ULM also got rid of their coach, and now Grambling's coach is in search of a new helm. Could it be that all of the teams from North LA start fresh next season with new administrations in the deapartment of Football?? Only time will tell.
Back to the saints-

The time has come friends… a time that is somewhat bittersweet to Saints fans across the board and I would like you to read my dear friend’s elaboration on this subject at … it would not do me justice to even touch on the subject after reading this composition pertaining to the situation at hand.

On that note I felt obliged to include some of the passage on my page. With the permission of Mr. Shaw I would like to leave you with the following excerpt from his column:

“This weekend, the south will stand still. When the game ends in New Orleans, no matter the outcome, there will be a moment of silence in the soul of every man, woman, and child of the Who Dat Nation. Like the eye of a hurricane, there will be a moment of silence that gives way chaos. Chaos wrought by crushing despair or by immeasurable joy. This is not to say it is enough to just get there but rather that I believe if/when we get there, there is no way we lose.

Tupac Shakur, wrote "I guess change is good for any of us... Whatever it take for any of y'all to get up out the hood."Here's to leaving the hood and chaos wrought by immeasurable joy.

May the Lord make the Saints fast and accurate.Strength and Honor


Shaw- I couldn’t have said it better…

Robbed in 2010.

Thursday, November 19, 2009


Intentionally lose… is this possible? One of my coworkers just used this phrase when I let her borrow my flash-drive. I said, “Please don’t lose this”- with which she rebutted with “I won’t”… again I said “please don’t” and she said- “I won’t intentionally lose your flash drive” Which got me thinking-

No one ever “intentionally loses” anything. You can’t-- this is nearly impossible. How could one “intentionally… lose (the act of failing to keep or to maintain; cease to have, either physically or in an abstract sense) I’m pretty sure its not possible- you could intentionally place something somewhere hoping that you will forget about where you put it- but you cant lose something on purpose.

Where did Noah Webster come up with definitions for the first dictionary… did he have another book that he read and payed real close attention to the context clues or what…it doesn’t make sense- we have a book of words and their definitions that wasn’t published until the early 1800’s. Did he get to make up meanings for all of these words- they couldn’t have possible had that many words and definitions in 1806.

And how the hell did we add over 100 new words to the dictionary every year. The 2009 Webster’s Dictionary had over 100 new words? Where the hell are we getting new words? I know that with new advancements in medicine and technology- this is inevitable- but 100 in one year! I just can’t believe this. You remember when “ain't” wasn’t a word- well now it is, and that little annoying rhyme that kids used to say about it not being a word is now obsolete and cant be sung.

Than we have stupid words… words that should have never come into inception- For example- “Staycation” made up in 2005: “a vacation spent at home or nearby”. What the F does that even mean? A vaction is only a vacation if you GO somehwere else. So I am voiding that out of my own dictionary. I don’t believe in it.

Or think about this- Why do flammable and inflammable mean the same thing?- why do we have two words? Let’s just have one word for this meaning, since they sound almost identical, and not waste the space in the dictionary and people wont question this. I mean really? They both mean the same thing. Your better than that Webster.

And then there’s “Frenemy” which was made up 1977: “one who pretends to be a friend but is actually an enemy”. Theres no such thing- you are either a friend or and enemy. A person that pretends to be a friend but is really and enemy is exactly that- an ENEMY… we don’t need some useless word to tell us this crap. He or she is an enemy. That’s it. Which brings me to a favorite quote of mine that Lane Frost said in the movie, 8 Seconds- all-time favorite of mine. If you haven’t seen it, you should. Ponder on his rebuttal to when Kelly Kyle asked him about his fear of bulls- he responded with “Them bulls ain't got nothin against you, they just wanna buck you off and go about their business...people will hurt you a lot sooner." Think about that for a bit and tell me its not a great statement.

I like this too- Whenever someone says "I'm not book smart, but I'm street smart", all I hear is "I'm not real smart, but I'm imaginary smart". Don’t say this- you are basically saying “Im a dumbass” when it comes to stuff that wasn’t an adaptive behavior… “I cant tell you what the three branches of government are or what the hell a mitochondria does, but if you need me to break into a building with a pair of tweezers, a three foot segment of 4 lb. test fishing line, a copper penny, and a boiled egg- I got you covered– Or if you need the hood on your Beemer fixed from your fender-bender , all I need is some duct tape and about ten minutes…Im like MacGyver” Whatever… street smart…

And for those who like quotes, I read a few weeks ago about a U.S. Recon Sniper who has the most kills in Iraq and Afghanistan. A reporter for some liberal network was asking him “What he felt as he pulled the trigger to end the lives of so many others?” He replied by shrugging his shoulders and nonchalantly said “Recoil”- For those who don’t know- that is basically the kick that a gun makes when it is fired. Awesome- God bless the men and women of our armed forces who put their lives on the line so that we can be free. America- F Yeah!


Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Maybe We Should Support "Change"

So, the Welfare Reform is upon us…

Like I said, it’s very simple- society today as a whole, we are a bunch of sissies… we think everyone should have privileges, everyone should be equal, and everyone should get the same say on issues that surround our very being. Don’t get me wrong- I am a firm believer in the Constitution and democracy, but I think that in today’s litigious society, some people go a bit too far. All they do is bring up a lawsuit and people back down. What happened to the days of a good ole fashion ass-whoopin or a pistol draw in the middle of the street? I know- these sissies that wanna cry foul on everything aren’t man enough to step to the plate- sure they will fight this on paper and ruin a good thing for 92% of the population, but then they’ll go cower behind their bubble-wrap when the fists start to fly.

So why do we let them push US around? We are the freakin majority! Stand up for something one time and stop worrying about the repercussions… lets go back to a true democracy, where everyone gets a vote, everyone who thinks this crap is BS; say so. We don’t need some 9 person- Supreme Court in Washington DC to make the decision for us – everyone should say whether they think its “Unconstitutional” or not- You can ask seven-year-olds across the the US- “Hey, what do you think that the people should do if they don’t like us to say a prayer before the football game” they are smart enough that almost all of them would say “tell them to not come or to not listen”

You don’t have to believe in what we are saying- but humor us…what’s the harm in that? I mean, if I went to India and attended a large gathering- I would expect them to say some sort of prayer to a higher being in Hindu… would I have a problem with it? Absolutely not, their society is based on Hinduism and over 80% of their population believes in this… if im there, I need to assimilate to their ways.

Democracy is based on everyone voicing their own opinion and I firmly believe in this system… everyone who should get a vote that is… its very simple if you ask me- Two simple questions when you get to the poll:
1. Do you pay taxes?
2. Can you make a 70% on this ten question test on the issues in which you are about to make a decision on?

If you can answer “Yes” to these 2 questions, then, yes, you should get to voice your opinion…PERIOD.

Did you know that a recent study by FOX News says “92 percent of Americans say they believe in God, 85 percent in heaven and 82 percent in miracles” – but, we are going to change a tradition that our country was founded upon years ago for that measly little, at the most, 8%?? WTF, I’m no mathematician, but that’s some serious BS. "OK- almost all of yall believe in God, but im sorry, since the 3 people in Alaska that don’t, we are not gonna say a prayer at tonight’s game in freakin Florida"- BS. This is absurd.

What happened to majority rules? There are hundreds of playgrounds across the country that are perfectly content with the rules that apply because of this… "Alright Timmy, they are 26 of us here- who wants to play two-hand-touch football like a bunch of liberal pansy’s?"- "OK…1, 2- Now who wants to play tackle football? Done! We are playing tackle…" im pretty sure that’s where we got the Democratic party… they didn’t wanna play tackle, so they went and sat on the sidewalk drawing pictures of ladybugs and hearts, and one of them said “ this isnt fair, we should go tell miss sally that they wont let us play the way WE want to play”- “Better yet they don’t like us, so lets F up their way of life and the traditions for the last seven generations”

So why do we let this happen? Why do we change for a minority? Just as in the days of cavemen, today we should go off of the concept of “Survival of the Fittest” If you cant provide for yourself and contribute to society, then that’s not our problem… I understand there are exceptions- and im NOT talking about that… I understand this- im talking of the millions of able individuals that could work and chose not to because they know that we are going to bail them out and take care of everything. Why get a job when you can sit on your ass and smoke mary-jane everyday and still get a check and food stamps? Doesnt take a rocket scientist to figure that one out.

We spend way too much on these bottom-feeders and no one wants to face the facts to make this “change”- Oh, I got your change- its simple. You want solutions- I got solutions. Im not saying they are fool-proof, but they are a great start to a revolution. So here goes:

1. Cap on the length of time on welfare- simple… you got 1 year. 1 year to make a play. We will pay for you and your shenanigans for 1 calendar year, then you’re on your own. There has got to be a end to the madness.

2. Basic training- if you are between the ages of 18 and 35 and you want welfare- that’s fine, but you are going through basic training- your first 6 weeks of drawing a check, you will be learning about sacrifice, discipline, self-control, consistency, etc. What it takes to serve in the greatest military on earth. What it means to have “freedom”- the sacrifices that those men and women went through, so that MY country can pay for you to be worthless.

3. After that we will find you a job- doing what you say? We have tons to do- there are always new roads that need built, new ditches to be dug, new trash to pick up, and new $h!^ to be cleaned. We will find you something to do, don’t you worry; but you will be doing something to get that check.

4. Drug tests- yes, that’s correct, unconstitutional or not, you will be accountable for your actions. If you have the money or means to find drugs, then you don’t need our money. You test positive for as much as a piece of BubbleYum. You aint getting your check.

5. On that note- tobacco and liquor stamp- yes, we are going to stamp your ID with a mark letting us know that you are on welfare. Similar to drugs- you shouldn’t be spending money on Colt 45’s and Salem Lights… When you go to buy, we will swipe your card. Too bad- get a job and we’ll talk.

In my opinion, these are five easy steps to cut billions out of our expenses. After that year, if you cant find a job, you can keep yours or we can give you a new one- you are going to have a job. Will you like it and will it be pleasant? Maybe not- but you will have no excuse for not being able to get one. If you don’t like it- tough. You are on your own… we don’t have time or money to support you. Is it fair? Maybe not- but neither is you basically stealing for the taxpayers, so we are even.

Kids? Yeah- we will take your kids and take care of them- we been doing it anyway. Maybe this way we can actually change the generation and not let them learn from your lazy ass.
Bottom line is this- contribute something. Be something. Like Abe Lincoln said “Whatever you are, be a good one” I don’t care if you are cutting grass with scissors in from of the Jefferson County courthouse in West Virginia- but be good and at least try to be good at it. Then if you want to contribute- we will let you voice your opinion and tell us about what is or what is not “fair”

America was not settled by those seeking an easy course, a handout, or to be taken care of by others. While there was some involuntary settlement, the overwhelming settlement was by people who wanted property and opportunity; a chance to reach for the heights, They were willing to risk failure, even starvation, misery and death in the pursuit of happyness.
Maybe we should look to be spending more on history teachers rather than English teachers to teach ENGLISH in our American schools. Maybe we should teach our youth a little more about how they ended up in this great union, rather than teach them of how they can milk society like an old milk cow.

Maybe we should think about some sort of “CHANGE”

…We have been robbed- its time to rob back

Monday, November 16, 2009

Problem Solver- Not a Politician

I know I shouldn’t get into politics, and this really isn’t political…it’s a problem. Problem is, we, as a nation spend too much money. Too much on cars, houses, food, bling, cable service, etc. We get screwed every which way, but we spend too much. We overindulge in every way possible until we cant take it anymore- we are overweight, in debt, and are constantly playing the part of the proverbial fat-ass that ate way too much for not only the Chinese restaurant’s owner to benefit from the $5.99 all you can eat buffet, but also for himself. We “overeat” on everything and don’t worry about the consequences… we spend too much and don’t worry about where the funds will come from-

And, so does our government. We spend billions of dollars a year on stuff that doesn’t matter, is stupid, or that we shouldn’t. Right now- our Federal Government is trying to control everything! Everything from energy to healthcare…whats this mean? We are going to be printing more freakin money to pay for all this $h!t or those of us who have jobs will pay more in taxes. How much sense does it take to do this math? If you asked my 7-year-old niece if its seems like a good idea to add 46 million people to a medicare-type, single-payer healthcare system and she will tell you that you are out of your freakin mind.. This just in- adding 46 million to any program is going to add millions and millions of dollars to some deficit somewhere, whether you want to admit it or not- this stuff aint free. Then, those of us who have earned the PRIVILEGE to have the best available healthcare will get screwed. We get screwed while WE pay for the new system, but whatever- as long as those who don’t pay $h!t in taxes are happy. All the while we add trillions to our already multi-trillion dollar debt- real responsible… nope, its despicable!

Like English classes. Im not talking about English 1 for Freshmen, or 8th graders- sorry Goose. Im talkin bout Englishlike the freakin language, like how to SPEAK this…yes, our own freakin country. Billions, so that our children don’t fall behind in their education by illegal immigrants’ kids that are placed in our classrooms and cant speak the language enough to learn. They cant speak it because their parents, who are ILLEGAL cant speak it. Big problem- I say assimilate, or evacuate. Write that down. In layman’s terms- learn OUR language or get the F out! Better yet, stay at the border until you can speak it. Im sick of having to hit 1. For English when I call about my freakin electric bill. This is BS.

Really America? Is this what we’ve come too- because we have a influx of another culture, we have to change our ways. No- doesn’t work for me. They didn’t all of the sudden change the language of France when the Germans took that over… oh wait- they didn’t take it over, because of… oh yes, the freakin U.S. of kick Ass- or A. We bailed them out and if it weren’t for us they would be speaking German. Not by choice though. But no, they don’t give us credit for S#@t! They hate us! Oh well- I hate them too.

But seriously- what you really came here to hear about was what I am calling “Rob’s Welfare Reform”- catchy huh? Before I go any further- I would like to remind you that welfare wasn’t created to permanently SUSTAIN people… it was created as an “insurance” if you will, to TEMPORARILY aid those in need. It was never intended for the bottom feeders of the American society to milk the program until it all runs out… But that’s what we have done- we have created a socially acceptable program rather than a stigma for thse individuals to take advantage. We reward boredom, we reward laziness, we reward the lack of respect. We basically say- sure go ahead- lay around all day like a useless sloth, have babies (we will give you additional money for each one) , be an “entrepreneur” (aka- drugdealer )… which we cannot tax, reward you for not getting a job, and the individual… gives absolutely nothing in return, to the government nor to society… Pretty sweet deal if you ask me.

All the while- the working man fits the bill. The tax payers fund this bull$#!t… We are constantly hearing about “fairness and equality”- this aint fair. It aint fair that my ass has to go to work while others don’t do crap. Don’t get me wrong- I have no real problem paying for roads (I use them), and police cars (I use them), and government buildings, etc. even schools, even though I don’t have kids that go to school, public or not, or the fact that I don’t use our prison system (someday I may use it- doubtful, but maybe). Whatever- besides the point.

Point is- be smart about it… I mean you basically take half my salary and make decisions on what to do with it without my consent- yes, I vote, but you really make the calls. Like Les Miles- he might act like he cares what LSU fans think or his coaches that work with him, but all in all he knows that HE is the one who can decide to go for it 5 different times on 4th down in one damn game- who in their right mind would ever think that is a good idea? No one- but you know what? He got praised for that BS a few years back when he did this against Florida and then went on to win the BCS National Championship… what an idiot. But at the time people were saying how great a coach he was-

Back to the problems I have with the government- I understand that I have a voice and that I can vote and I do- I understand where the majority of the money goes and I don’t gripe – BUT, I do have a problem with freakin Hurricane Chris wasting the Louisiana legislature’s time singing a damn song about Halle Berry when its on our state’s clock- no one gives a shit about your crush on CatWoman.

I do have a heart and realize that this is needed in some circumstances and im not saying do away with this- im just saying regulate it more. Sooner or later, if you close the preverbal “mall” where all these people “hang out” in YOUR air conditioning and build a mall that is outside, the loiterers will move their asses somewhere else to hang out and do nothing- if you take it away, they will adapt, or they will die off- neither is bad.

Rob's Welfare Reform Package to come.

For now- we have been robbed by society

Thursday, November 5, 2009

People that don’t get it, don’t get that they don’t get it

- All my life I have been faced with choices. Where to hide in hide-and-seek on the Cedar Creek playground, whether or not to flick the paper football in mrs. Underwood’s class, what to be for Halloween every year, what I wanted for Christmas, what color bicycle to get, what number I wanted for my beeper in Jr. High, what college to attend…etc. Point is- theoretically, every choice you make of every day you live has an effect on your life.

Think about it- had I not attended LSU, I wouldn’t know at least 1/3 of all of the people that I know, I probably wouldn’t have the job I have, or live in the place that I live. I probably would have never bought a car my whole life, I might still be driving the emerald green F-150, and might still live with Jim and Loretta- you never know. Again- life is filled with choices- some are good, some are poor, but you learn from most of them- subconsciously or consciously. Like as a child- your mom said “hot”- you didn’t know what that meant, but when you grabbed the iron and it burned like hell, you got the point and it didn’t take much longer to know that that apparatus that kind of looked like a boat standing up by its motor hurt worst than you getting hit in the boys down below.

So I made the decision to make the move- the move down south to LSU when I was 18. At the time I really didn’t know the relevance of the move or the effect or affect…one or the other. All I knew that it was a simple solution to get rid of my girlfriend at the time. See, she had made up her mind- her mind to stay in Ruston, even though she made a freakin 29 on her ACT. Does Harvard or stanford not mean a damn thing to you? Idiot- nevermind that (another story) but come on- don’t go to Tech or LSU…get out of town, do something with your life- make something of yourself. She did- oh she did indeed. Like I said- another story.

Well I came to LSU and guess who conveniently decided that, once I made the decision, LSU was “the place for her” too. Damn—Crazy girl-7, Rob- 0.

My college career, It was full of choices. For the first time in my life I had nobody- nobody to keep my ass in line. I had a choice- I could stay in school or bomb that shit like Baghdad. Luckily, I was on a mission to be what I was destined to be. That- really don’t know what it is yet, but I got big plans. I may not run the country, but I want to at least run my own freakin town. Is that too much to ask?

I chose to partake in the inevitable “self-punishment “ we like to call social drinking. I knew what was to come from the beer, we tapped into a bit of that in ruston, but never really hit the hard liquors… these were a bit different.

I quicky learned that this new found liquid concoction was different- Different outcome- different feeling, different attitude, different taste etc. More importantly, a different next day- a self-induced comma which resulted in a little thing called a “hangover” -you know the feeling- terrible. Well I thought that beer hangovers were terrible. Sadly, I was wrong. Doesn’t happen much, but occasionally I will be this thing. I chose to think I was just “misinformed” not really “wrong”

At a young age a wise man told me a piece of advise that I would share with numerous others in my quest to feel better on Sat. and Sunday mornings. It was simply then- a snickers and a yoohoo. It is simple now.

It is the panacea of hangovers…it is the hang-over-over- That’s what I think. Try it out, it may just be my mind telling me that I feel better, but nonetheless- it works. If it doesn’t chug 3 gallons of watter and eat a BC powder. If it doesn’t kill the headache, your will have to pee enough to forget about the so-called headache that you used to have.

I learned a lot at Club reggies- Top ten 1. people will do just about anything for free drinks. 2. Girls will do a little more. 3. Girls like to do more. 4. Bartending is the easiest way to get girls to do more- if you don’t play football in the SEC. 5. Bars get slippery, so make sure its clean before you decide to run, jump, and push off on the way to break-up a fight. 6. Liquor hits you fast. Shots hit you real fast…lot faster. 7. If you wake up and cant remember how much you made, what happened, or if you got fired….chances are you prolly did. 8. People in general, suck. Suck at life, suck at tipping, suck down beers, suck at everything imaginable. Like Colin cowherd says “People that don’t get it, don’t get that they don’t get it”. 9. Don’t fight people with guns. 10. If you are going to possibly get in a fight, have a cagefighter on your side.

Long live the Parking Lot Protector.

Robbed… Peace

Monday, November 2, 2009

Cures, remedies, and panaceas

I am not saying that I have the answers for everything that might come one’s way, but I do feel obliged to let everyone in on a few remedies (real or not) which help me justify why or why not I feel better.

For one- vitamin C…. I didn’t make this up- this tasty vitamin that comes in delicious chewable flavors is, in my mind, a great solution for feeling better. Whether you are fighting the common cold or simply altitude sickness in the Rockies, it is awesome. I eat them just about everyday- not for the vitamin part- mainly cause they taste great. Make sure you get the chewable ones though- the others do not taste near as good. Trust me, I have made the mistake by being in too much of a hurry to read the label in the drug store…

On that note- read labels people. I cant stress this enough. Bug- listen closely. I recently moved in with a girl- named “Bug”. Don’t ask what kind of girl would let others openly call her the description of a being which relies on an exoskeleton to move about, but she loves this none-the-less. Bug and I actually have been “living together” for some time now- I don’t want you to get the wrong impression… we are and never will be in a relationship, even though secretly she may or may not wish this upon me.

We just live together. We did in fact share a room for a bit… the room was at Bull’s house (another story to come at a later date) and we shared this dwelling, not only with Bull, but also with DB13. That’s right- 4 people- 1 bedroom- no bathroom. Just joking- I made that up. But it seriously was us 4 in a 2 bed, 2 bath place for a bit till we closed on the condo in the Fieldhouse- its 600 yards for Tiger stadium and we have no grass to cut and even have a night watchman. Really just a security guard, but I think “watchman “ sounds a lot cooler and I think Theodore would appreciate my creativity.

To be honest, I really like living with a female. She sometimes will come home drunk and ask me if I want bacon and eggs for breakfast, then forgets about it in the morning. But I like the simple gesture anyway. A guy roommate would never do such a thing. If anything, he would purposely fall asleep in your bed then refuse to get out because you cant move his drunk ass and his dead weight.

Back to the point- the other day she was going to CVS and asked if I needed anything- that’s what women do. Guys, we go to CVS and don’t tell anyone we are going there cause we don’t want to admit that we are out of Secret-Glacier Mist deodorant, whitening strips, or that we need some new face lotion cause we used the same damn throw-away razor for 2 months cause we are too damn lazy to go get some more. If someone does somehow get it out of us that we are going, we say “yea- I gotta run in and get some batteries or something” whatever. So she asked, and I said I needed some contact solution. Simple request, and to give her credit- she did say what kind? I on the other end of the line said any of it- I just needed some.

So she brings me a .25 ounce bottle of solution and right before bed, I took out my contacts, put them into my new, really thick-like contact solution. I knew the bottle was small, and that the liquid was extremely thick for what I was used to, but I thought that it might have just been a late-night hallucination from staying up past my regular 9 o’clock curfew which I set for myself somehwhere around 9th grade. So, morning arrives and I open my contact…holder- shit, I have no idea what that little contraption is called, but I opened it to find that my throw-away contacts were a mushy pieces of gel- check the labels. The damn solution she got was for hard contact lenses. I didn’t even realize they still made those- I thought those were obsolete in like ’94 when Zack Morris and A.C. Slater got their licences on Saved by the Bell.

What a terrible show- seriously. That show ate up years of my life when I was younger, and for what?? Because we were stupid. It wasn’t funny, it taught us minimal life lessons, and had horrendous acting. The only thing that came out of that show was Kelly freakin Kapowski and a washed up porn-star named Screech. What an idiot- I mean who gets kicked off of Celebrity Biggest Loser? Really? Dustin Diamond- get a clue. PS the only reason I knew that guy’s real name is because Kelly Kapowski was on that show- and from the age of 6 till about 16, I was in love with her…and at the beginning of every episode, while “when I wake up in the morning and…” played his name popped up somewhere.

Seriously, who still has hard lenses?

Enough for that- - You’ve been Robbed