Monday, November 2, 2009

Cures, remedies, and panaceas

I am not saying that I have the answers for everything that might come one’s way, but I do feel obliged to let everyone in on a few remedies (real or not) which help me justify why or why not I feel better.

For one- vitamin C…. I didn’t make this up- this tasty vitamin that comes in delicious chewable flavors is, in my mind, a great solution for feeling better. Whether you are fighting the common cold or simply altitude sickness in the Rockies, it is awesome. I eat them just about everyday- not for the vitamin part- mainly cause they taste great. Make sure you get the chewable ones though- the others do not taste near as good. Trust me, I have made the mistake by being in too much of a hurry to read the label in the drug store…

On that note- read labels people. I cant stress this enough. Bug- listen closely. I recently moved in with a girl- named “Bug”. Don’t ask what kind of girl would let others openly call her the description of a being which relies on an exoskeleton to move about, but she loves this none-the-less. Bug and I actually have been “living together” for some time now- I don’t want you to get the wrong impression… we are and never will be in a relationship, even though secretly she may or may not wish this upon me.

We just live together. We did in fact share a room for a bit… the room was at Bull’s house (another story to come at a later date) and we shared this dwelling, not only with Bull, but also with DB13. That’s right- 4 people- 1 bedroom- no bathroom. Just joking- I made that up. But it seriously was us 4 in a 2 bed, 2 bath place for a bit till we closed on the condo in the Fieldhouse- its 600 yards for Tiger stadium and we have no grass to cut and even have a night watchman. Really just a security guard, but I think “watchman “ sounds a lot cooler and I think Theodore would appreciate my creativity.

To be honest, I really like living with a female. She sometimes will come home drunk and ask me if I want bacon and eggs for breakfast, then forgets about it in the morning. But I like the simple gesture anyway. A guy roommate would never do such a thing. If anything, he would purposely fall asleep in your bed then refuse to get out because you cant move his drunk ass and his dead weight.

Back to the point- the other day she was going to CVS and asked if I needed anything- that’s what women do. Guys, we go to CVS and don’t tell anyone we are going there cause we don’t want to admit that we are out of Secret-Glacier Mist deodorant, whitening strips, or that we need some new face lotion cause we used the same damn throw-away razor for 2 months cause we are too damn lazy to go get some more. If someone does somehow get it out of us that we are going, we say “yea- I gotta run in and get some batteries or something” whatever. So she asked, and I said I needed some contact solution. Simple request, and to give her credit- she did say what kind? I on the other end of the line said any of it- I just needed some.

So she brings me a .25 ounce bottle of solution and right before bed, I took out my contacts, put them into my new, really thick-like contact solution. I knew the bottle was small, and that the liquid was extremely thick for what I was used to, but I thought that it might have just been a late-night hallucination from staying up past my regular 9 o’clock curfew which I set for myself somehwhere around 9th grade. So, morning arrives and I open my contact…holder- shit, I have no idea what that little contraption is called, but I opened it to find that my throw-away contacts were a mushy pieces of gel- check the labels. The damn solution she got was for hard contact lenses. I didn’t even realize they still made those- I thought those were obsolete in like ’94 when Zack Morris and A.C. Slater got their licences on Saved by the Bell.

What a terrible show- seriously. That show ate up years of my life when I was younger, and for what?? Because we were stupid. It wasn’t funny, it taught us minimal life lessons, and had horrendous acting. The only thing that came out of that show was Kelly freakin Kapowski and a washed up porn-star named Screech. What an idiot- I mean who gets kicked off of Celebrity Biggest Loser? Really? Dustin Diamond- get a clue. PS the only reason I knew that guy’s real name is because Kelly Kapowski was on that show- and from the age of 6 till about 16, I was in love with her…and at the beginning of every episode, while “when I wake up in the morning and…” played his name popped up somewhere.

Seriously, who still has hard lenses?

Enough for that- - You’ve been Robbed

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